TXT / send him a message.

[spudnik]

Comments

[earthlike]

Why do they call Mars the red planet when it's really more of a ruddy brown?

[spudnik]

They tried "blood orange" but someone called them out on that. They figured the less specific the better.

[earthlike]

But... Is it even really that red?

[sysop]

So I just knocked a plate off of the table and jumped upwards to catch it and my parents have laughed about it for nearly fifteen minutes. How's adjusting back to home been for you?

[spudnik]

Let's just say I need to make an emergency trip to Ikea or invest in some plastic cups for a while because I've been expecting gravity to just cooperate, stop working for a minute, and HOLD MY CUP FOR ME, THANKS!!!

Is that so much to ask?

[sysop]

Honestly it's just fundamentally offensive. They should invent gloves for us that just sticks to everything we have in our hand, just for these situations. We can go to Mars but no one has figured out how to fix gravity for us for a while when we get back?

#eudiostylez

[tectus]

herb garden started sprouting. i feel so proud is that weird??

also got a new movie recommendation. indian jone? thoughts?

bae

[spudnik]

UHHH you should be proud! Congratulations, you have cultivated a living thing. You are officially Mom.

Indiana Jones is a solid choice, a personal favorite! Tell me you're not gonna watch it without me.

what happens when an unstoppable dork meets an immovable loser

[tectus]

i am totally a herb mom, that's so cool. now i just have to....keep them alive.

well obviously now i can't, i thought it sounded a bit weird but you've been right before so i have faith. when are you free?

[possibilityofcarnage]

I am told you were stranded in a desert wasteland where you were forced to grow potatoes from your own feces. I respect your determination to survive.

I also respect any woman who decides to have intimate contact with you after learning about your eating habits.

[spudnik]

God everyone really likes to give me shit about that.

[ badmtshhh ]

[possibilityofcarnage]

I am not giving you shit. I am truly impressed by your determination to stay alive. Most humans people would have surrendered to the elements and either slowly starved to death or killed themselves to avoid such a slow and painful end, allowing their corpses to rot, forgotten and alone, under an alien sky.

But not you. You ate feces potatoes. You are strong.

[adultflash]

If I get a note from my doctor, can you stop taking points for me being perpetually late to class?

[spudnik]

It'd be more legit than all of your other excuses so far, Bar.

[adultflash]

Look it's just. A thing. I can't explain it.
But here look.

[He is attaching an image of a note from a "Dr. Snow" that excuses his chronic lateness due to "physiological imbalances".]

She's totally legit. You can look her up.

[Never mind that he was perpetually late before he was a speedster, but clearly his body was just prepping him for the role.]

[mynameischristine]

I just licked mashed potatoes off my communicator. I'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

[spudnik]

Listen, you do what you have to do for mashed potatoes okay. I'm proud of you for being brave in the face of icky yucky comms mashed potatoes.

[mynameischristine]

See, Mark, I knew you would understand.

A medal, though? I'm honored. I'll even lick mashed potatoes from that too.

[sospita]

You said I was too useless to handle a plant, but hah, joke's on you.

Your jade plant is mine now and we're very happy together.

[spudnik]

And if I find out you've killed it then I'll have all the evidence I need to call you useless.

It's just a matter of time.



But seriously though, be good to Shirley.

[sospita]

You're the worst detective. Don't quit your day job, nerd.

Surely you know I renamed her, because your naming conventions are as terrible as your jokes. Her name is now "Moneyzone", because you declined to tell me that Earth LITERALLY has a bunch of different money trees. Her new home is right here on my desk, and everyone thinks she's the cutest little alien.

TXT.

[freeways]

IM SORY I THINK I JSUT COST US OUR SECURTY DEPOST

[spudnik]

Let's not exaggerate now, Mick.



What could possibly top last week?

[freeways]

DO YOU RMEMBER HOW YOU SAID YOU WERE RUNING OUT OF ROOM FOR PLANTS

[freeways]

OK WELL I PULLED UP SOME OF YOURE FLORBOARDS AND FILLED IT ALL WITH TOPSOIL